A Spirit of Forgiveness
Something happens to us, is done to us—something painful and disturbing. It burns
its way into our emotional memory banks, and there it lives, constantly resurfacing and
flooding us with feelings. How do we respond? What is the right attitude to deeply
disturbing memories?
This is not an abstract question for philosophers to play with in their idle moments.
It is a question that lies at the very core of human relations. Memory of past wrongs is
the major factor in most conflict situations. At a collective level accumulated resentments
flow through societies, erupting in irrational violence, polluting the atmosphere in relations
between races, communities, religions and nations. So how should those who seek to contribute
towards right relationships deal with these aspects of memory?
Down the ages, and in cultures and traditions as diverse as humanity itself, the wise
have directed our attention to forgiveness, as a particular aspect of love in relation
to memory. Henri J.M. Nouwen writes of how “freeing” it is to “become
aware that we do not have to be victims of our past and can learn new ways of responding.”
And, beyond this, he reflects that we can choose to give love to those who have done us harm:
“Forgiveness is love practiced among people who love poorly. It sets us free without
wanting anything in return.” As C.S. Lewis puts it, “real forgiveness” involves
recognising wrong action, seeing it in all its “meanness and malice...and nevertheless
being wholly reconciled to the person who has done it.”
To forgive, in this deeper sense, is to ’give for,‘ to freely choose to relinquish
the memory of past hurts and pain—and to do so as a gift for the greater good. It is about
forgetting, or sacrificing, the emotions and pains associated with the past without necessarily
forgetting the wrong itself. After all, we grow as individuals and communities by remembering
the wrongs we and others have done in the past, and by learning from them. It is human to
err—we have all made mistakes, all done the wrong thing.
It is this deep, heart-felt spirit of forgiveness, which lives and breathes in so many healing
initiatives amongst strife–torn communities and in work with inter-–personal relations.
Circulating light and goodwill through the Triangles network helps create the atmosphere in which
such forgiveness work can grow and flourish. And it helps us, too, as we grow in our ability to
rightly ‘forget the things which lie behind.’
|
